night three, alone.
i didn't realize it would be this difficult.
everything is meaningless.
what happened to independence?
what happened to freedom?
what happened to doing what i want, when i want?
it's completely gone.
i never thought this would happen to me.
i'm lost without him.
once upon a time, i promised that would never happen again.
of course, marriage is different.
but is it really so different when you lose yourself?

he went to bed without me.
it's that sort of thing that makes me feel like a failure as a wife.
i cannot live up to the most simple, reasonable expectations.
why don't i ever want to have sex?
something i mentally, physically, somehow wrong with me.
this isn't a normal way of life.
and everytime i turn him down, i feel it pushing us apart.
i've explained that it's nothing to do with him.
he says he knows and understands.
but when you're rejected this often, it has to make you wonder.
five months, and i'm already failing him.
but i just don't know how to change how i feel.
i'm tired of being afraid to be with my best friend.
it shouldn't be like this.